whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
