I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
