So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
