Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
