He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
