Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
