my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
