fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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