every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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