all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
its not stalking. its research.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
