I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
