Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
