White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
