my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
