We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
