do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
