the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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