My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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