i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
