She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
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