So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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