It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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