Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
