Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
