You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
