You're my little dorito
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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