If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
