Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
