im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
