Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
