My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
