He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
