I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
