Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
