New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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