i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
