I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I checked into jail on foursquare
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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