I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
