she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
