She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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