She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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