somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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