Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
