Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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