if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
