i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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