i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
