My brain says no but my pants say off.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
