Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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