New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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