Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
