I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
